I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
