Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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