A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
