halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
