So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
