I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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