Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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