STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want her autograph on my taint
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize