Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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