I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
