Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
