True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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