she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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