Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
