FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
