hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
