Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
