i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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