Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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