I seem to have left my pride at pride
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
