So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
