I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
