Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
