Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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