help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
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thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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