Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
