I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
