You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?