Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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