i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
