it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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