he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
as a side note pls kill me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
