it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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