By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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