Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
