What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
As shirtless as possible
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
