Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
