I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
