Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
