I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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