I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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