I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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