He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
