Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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