I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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