You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Couch. On fire.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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