butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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