I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
