so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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