He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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