i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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