bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
