Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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