That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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