So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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