i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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