I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
