New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
