Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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