so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
