My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
